Question

Some people believe that adults should focus on learning practical skills that are directly useful for work, rather than studying academic subjects.

To what extent do you agree or disagree?

My Version

There's an ongoing debate about whether people should prioritise learning things which can benefit everyday work than studying academic problems. 
Although learning practical skills will benefit work performance in a short term, I strongly disagree with the view that you shouldn't spend too much time on the academic learning, because it would benefit your brain and improve your work in a long term period.

In modern society, there’s a lot of jobs which are a small part of stream-line. For those people who are working in such jobs, focusing on the skills which are useful for work will be more and more familiar with what they've already known. Yet learning academic subjects can improve their sight, allow them to see things on a higher level. They can improve their work not by just improving the proficiency but by making the whole process more efficient.

To those whose work are more complex, only focusing on work related skills may benefits their professional behavior in a short term. But if you focus on those skills too much, you might lose the ability to think outside of a box which you might gain when you learn something what aren’t work related but academical.

In conclusion, although focusing on work related skills might benefit your job in a short term, I firmly believe that you should focus on studying academic subjects will benefits your career in a long term period.
This is because learning academic subjects will widen your sight and benefit your career eventually.

7.5 Version

There's an ongoing debate about whether people should prioritise learning skills that benefit everyday work rather than studying academic subjects.
Although learning practical skills can improve work performance in the short term, I strongly disagree with the view that adults should avoid spending time on academic learning, as it can enhance cognitive abilities and improve job performance in the long term.

In modern society, there are many jobs that involve only a small part of a larger workflow. For people working in such positions, focusing solely on work-related skills will only make them more familiar with what they already know. By contrast, learning academic subjects can broaden their perspective and allow them to view problems at a higher level. As a result, they can improve their work not only by increasing proficiency, but also by making the entire process more efficient.

For people whose work is more complex, focusing only on work-related skills may improve their professional performance in the short term. However, if too much emphasis is placed on these skills, individuals may lose the ability to think outside the box, which is often developed through studying academic subjects that are not directly related to work.

In conclusion, although focusing on work-related skills may benefit job performance in the short term, I firmly believe that concentrating on academic subjects will benefit one’s career in the long term.
This is because academic learning broadens perspectives and supports sustainable career development.

Personal Error Summary

1. Overuse of Direct Translation from Chinese

I tend to translate ideas literally from Chinese, which results in unnatural expressions.

• sight → perspective / viewpoint

• brain → cognitive ability / critical thinking

• academical → academic (correct form)

Key rule: Abstract ideas should be expressed in academic terms, not literal words.

2. Inaccurate Fixed Collocations

I frequently make mistakes with common academic collocations, which directly affects my grammar score.

• ❌ in a long term period → ✅ in the long term

• ❌ in a short term → ✅ in the short term

• ❌ outside of a box → ✅ outside the box

Key rule: Collocations must be memorised as whole units.

3. Weak Sentence Structure Despite Good Ideas

Although my ideas are mature and relevant, sentence structures are sometimes unstable.

Common issues:

• Missing or unclear subjects

• Overuse of -ing phrases

• Verbs not clearly expressing cause-and-effect relationships

This limits my score even when the content itself is strong.

4. Informal or Spoken Style

I occasionally use spoken or personal expressions that are not suitable for academic writing.

• you shouldn’t → adults should avoid

• you might lose → individuals may lose

Key rule: Avoid “you” and prefer impersonal academic subjects.

5. Limited Paraphrasing in the Conclusion

In the conclusion, I tend to repeat the same words used in the body paragraphs.

To reach a higher band, I need to:

• Repeat ideas, not vocabulary

• Use synonyms or abstract summaries instead of exact phrases

Overall Reflection

My main weakness is not a lack of ideas, but language precision and academic expression.
If these recurring issues are corrected consistently, achieving Band 7.5 and above in Task 2 is realistic.